What Youth Drinks: the Bloody Mary

A drink for What Youth:

The Bloody Mary has gotten a little out of control, hasn’t it? It’s a race for bigger, taller, crazier, and more more more. They’ve now got bacon, fish, kebabs, full lettuce leaves, ribs, sashimi, elk… it’s getting ridiculous.

A week ago I went out for breakfast at a fancier-than-I’m-used-to place. I dished out $16 for a bloody dressed up with seaweed, artisanal sea salt, ahi, and a huge purple orchid (it was the only bloody offered, and I really needed something to help the hangover). Two problems here. One, the $16, as I firmly believe there are better ways to spend your money. Two, the abundance of what I’ll call “the extras,” — meaning the seaweed, flowers, fish, etc. It’s too much stuff for a drink that’s meant to be a hangover pick-me-up.

It’s time to ground things, without all the frivolity.

First, clearly, tomato juice and vodka are the base. Though, you can sub vegetable juice or Clamato for tomato juice, and tequila for vodka (making it a Bloody Maria). Despite all the aforementioned criticism of bloody mary add-ins, there are no rules here so feel free to add anything you want from your fridge. I don’t have a go-to recipe, because it really depends on what’s in the fridge and I’m definitely not going grocery shopping with a hangover just for Bloody Mary supplies. To your tomato and booze, I suggest some combination of these:

Something salty: salt (mandatory), anchovies, clams, clam juice, olive juice, pickle juice

Something with bite: Tabasco, horseradish, pepper, Worcestershire sauce

Something acidic: Lemon juice, lime juice

Something to garnish: olives, lemon and/or lime wedge, pickles, onion, celery (though we insist all garnishes be eaten, not just for looks).

To finish this hangover cure of a drink, we suggest drinking it in the morning sun and follow it immediately with a nap. And maybe follow that with a few days off the sauce.